From My Heart to Yours

It has been MONTHS since I have written anything. I decided that it was time! Since we all made it out of the Apocalypse alive, I guess I should take advantage. This has been quite a year for us. Cole is a Junior at Ole Miss and Anna Lauren is a 7th grader! They both are doing well and making us proud...well except for Cole and American Literature. Bless him, he is a history major and Falkner (which is required at OM) does not entice him...I told him, Falkner probably didn't understand his own writing, ha!

 

We are all healthy and alive. A fact that can make you feel almost guilty these days.Tragedy nationally as well as locally has made me very reflective these days. As I am sure it has made you. I realize that things happen and sometimes those things are so horrific, you can not wrap your brain around them...They have no rhyme or reason...They make your skin crawl...they make you weep.

 

But from the beginning of time people have had "issues"...The first account was when Able was slain by his brother Cain. A brother killing a brother...I am sure it was all in Cain's head...He did not feel worthy...He was the different one...That my friends is what was wrong! Feelings of inadequacy will destroy someone.

 

When you spend your whole life trying to live up to an expectation...when you are not like everyone else...you tend to not fit in. For me it was lack of social stature, which I have since found out was a good thing. Living in the wrong area of town, clothes that didn't come from downtown, cars that were older....houses that were smaller...No membership to some ridiculous club full of people with their own set of problems.

 

When we we don't accept others for who they are...When we treat people who are different, well, differently than others, we are setting up people for self doubt of worth. I dated a fellow in high school who knocked my self worth so low it took me YEARS to get over feelings of inadequacy...

 

I am no expert, but I believe if we step back and evaluate people....look at where they come from...look at their circumstances growing up...We might find ourselves having a bit more compassion. We might even find a way to pray for them, for their circumstances and for their future. We don't give God enough credit...no one is a lost cause...NO ONE! But we first must find a heart of compassion.

 

It's hard to live in this world...Especially when you have not been given the background others have. I was blessed beyond measure to be raised in a Christian home, with BOTH of my parents who loved each other. I had discipline and love, I was taught right from wrong...But there are so many people who don't have ANY of those blessings...They come from broken places that have histories of dysfunction, most of us can't wrap our brains around...Abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction...No one asks to be born into that! The unfortunate thing is there is usually no help.

 

Children from these situations act out in school, just for the attention. They are screaming for attention, good or bad... how sad...These children are given skewed ideas of how to behave...then they grow up...We can judged them all day long, but until we know where they come from, we can never understand them.

 

That being said there is also the ability God has given us to, well, "get over it". Let me preface this by saying, I know it ain't easy...I have been there and done that...It is a daily struggle and I pray about it all the time...The key is, I don't want my children to see me struggle with such inadequacies...Inadequacies that are mostly imagined..So I pray for them, over them, about them. I ask ,sometimes beg, God to fill them with His power and light, to give them strength and wisdom, to give them resolve. Life isn't as simple as it once was...or maybe seemed...So the more I can ask for God's intervention, the better off it is.

 

So when we become angry with others, simply because they aren't like us...When we see tragedies like the one in Sandy Hook...We HAVE to step back and realize that laws won't stop people from doing things they want to...When we realize drug addicts and alcoholics don't WANT to be drunk and high for the fun of it...When we figure out that we can not legislate morality...That the only Power in heaven and earth just wants to be called upon...He wants us to turn to Him and ask for His help....He wants us to realize we need Him...desperately.

 

My God can do anything...He proves Himself over and over when I just let go and let God...Please pray for others! Not the stupid prayers for them to change, the prayers that ask God to reveal Himself and to use others to reveal Him...God CAN change people instantly, but if the tools aren't laid before them...If the examples are not set in place, tand when we are left to our own devices, we tend to revert back to our old ways.

 

I tell our children at church to pray for wisdom...That is the most powerful tool they can be given...Wisdom is the thing that helps them to make wise choices...Pray for wisdom...God will give it to you...He will give you all the tools you need to get through this thing called life...You just have to ask Him! It will benefit your family relations, your friendships and your encounters with strangers. Pray for people's HEALING and God's grace to fill their hearts and minds... Remember we all have hang-ups, we all have issues...some are more destructive than others, but they all exist.

 

My prayer for us all in 2013 is to find healing, strength and the power that comes from God...The power to love and forgive...to look at people, not how we think they should be, but understand why they are the way they are so we can help them more. As Christians we want to shove Jesus down people's throats and shake them and say "Don't you understand?" When all the while, they honestly might not!

 

Be the hands and feet of Christ...Our biggest line of defense is PRAYER!!! Use it!

 

Soapbox step down!

 

Love to you all!

Monica

Why I am who I am...

The other day, Cole was spreading dirt with a tractor and box blade. As I watched him, I realized how meticulous he was...got me to thinking. What made him that way? Why was it so important for the dirt to be near perfect? Then I realized...he gets that from me!

I have more idiosyncrasies that a room full of mental patients! Some things just have to be a certain way...no exceptions! My hair must be in place...My clothes must be pressed...The toilet paper must be over, not under, and if I come to your house and it's under...I will fix it! These are traits I can not change, no matter how hard I try to let go of them! I literally get perturbed and testy over them!

Mom and Dad

My mother is the reason I walk so upright..."Shoulders back, Monica! Stand straight and tall!" Thank you, Mother...I do not slump... I do not sing at the table or put my elbows on it either!
Oh and she is also the reason I appreciate classical music, poetry and literature....and lemon icebox pie!!!! She has always had impeccable taste in clothing and was always such a great influence on my outer appearance. Well, maybe except the Easter debacle of 1970 something when we had matching dresses, but I digress! She is also a wonderful person to others, terribly thoughtful...I wish I were more like her. My love of animals, she nurtured that one, too!

My sweet daddy is the reason I must have wrinkle-free clothes, neat hair and hospital bed corners. I get my punctuality from him...Early is on time, on time is late and late...never mind! He loved sweet tea, and taught me how to make it (in a milk jug, hey!) at the tender age of nine! The biggest jerk of my dating career said I made the best sweet tea in the world...that was the only compliment I received from him!lol Daddy also instilled my overwhelming love of music...Every milestone of my life, every memory I have, is associated with a song...even if one wasn't playing in the background!

ER Wildman

My Papa, ER Wildman, is the reason I put my knife blade down in the dishwasher basket. He is also the reason I know about Quarter Horses...I do not use that knowledge, but I am thankful I have it! My love of comedy was his doing! Hours and hours of Sanford and Son, The Jeffersons, All In the Family and The Carol Burnette Show. He also loved to sing a song for every situation...I do that, too!  I miss his cornbread and wish I could make mine like his!  He also loved music very much and LOVED to dance!
He also loved my boy, called him Cole Younger, the outlaw!

Opal and ER Wildman and me!

My Amaw, Opal Wildman. I was only 4 when she passed away from breast cancer...I remember so little of her. She was beautiful though, inside and out. My mother looks like her and I like to think she is an awful lot like her! I remember what her house in Memphis looked like, I also remember sitting in bed with her and trying buttermilk for the first and LAST time. She was an excellent cook from all accounts and I am pretty sure I get my love of cake from her!

Lucille and Donat Grenier

My Grandma, Lucille Grenier. What can I say? I only saw her once a year for 2 weeks, many times at our house. There was always that day she would greet me at the door, after a long day of school,  paper grocery sack in hand saying, "Monica, let's go clean your bedroom!" She instilled organization in me. When I cook, I put everything away... When I pick up a book, I get totally lost in it and can't put it down, just like her! I also love "knick-knacks" and antiques. One of my treasures is a foyer table she gave to us after my daddy died.

Grandpa, Donat Grenier...what a precious man. He was a  French Canadian carpenter. He smoked a pipe and always wore a "chapeau" when he left the house. When he woke up, he knelt by his bed and prayed! Didn't matter if it was from a long night's slumber or his afternoon nap. He instilled my love of Bleu Cheese, Harry Carey and Dodger Disgust! He was kind and very quiet and taught me how to stand on my head! lol

 I had many great-aunts who influenced me as well...My Little Auntie taught me how to face adversity. My Aunt Ruby...well she just loved me and was a beautiful artist. My Aunt Janie taught me to appreciate fine home cooking and hospitality, bless her, she never turned me away! Aunt Leila taught me to celebrate each birthday and always buy a new outfit for the occasion! Big Auntie spoiled me and she and Uncle Jerry always made sure I had a Coke Float every time I visited!

There are many others who influenced my life and how I am today. I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home with Christians all around me. I am thankful for the fact they were not all perfect, and never pretended to be something they weren't. I learned cuss words...I learned how to pray...I learned beauty is all around, not only seen, but heard. Who I am is in direct proportion to how I was raised, I am the sum of my experiences and how I have dealt with them. Because of their examples, I think I have dealt with stuff pretty well.

I absolutely hate how time has stolen them from me...I hate my children do not have what I had! I hate that we have all grown away, apart or indifferent. I wish I had appreciated my mother dragging me to their houses then, instead of now. I wish I had written down what was said and had more pictures of their beautiful faces.

 Life is an amusement park...There are the happy rides and the scary rides, the thrills, the food...the crazy people who make you laugh..the Gypsies who don't come around but once a year. In every moment, the good and the bad,always remember, your family is the biggest influence you will ever have. When you do that thing your grandma did, laugh and be thankful...I know I am!

Love to all!
Monica

Summatime!!!

Summer...I love the Summer! I love how life slows a little bit. I love the visions it conjures! But spending the summer in Mississippi is an experience like non other! I have lived in the great state of Mississippi since first grade. I have never lived anywhere else since then. I do not know what it is like to have a summer free of sweltering humidity and mosquitoes! I would not know what to do if I had a good hair day during the summer! I would not know how to behave if my clothes weren't wrenching wet with sweat...stuck to every crack in my body! Folks, this place is HOT!!

But as hot as it is...it still has it's merits. In a Mississippi Summer you will find reunions. Class reunions and family reunions. It is a time to get together, sit around and reminisce! The smell of charcoal wafts through the air. Food is light and fresh...things collected from the garden...tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. There are salads everywhere...congealed salads, potato salads and garden salads! There is always the faint scent of citronella, skin-so-soft or OFF! Sitting outside shelling peas or shucking corn...house full of heat from canning tomatoes and green beans and pickles!!

Children riding their bikes...swimming pools...lemonade stands...I can not imagine it any other way! Baseball...softball...horseshoes and washers! Folding lawn chairs and plastic checked tablecloths! Sweet tea and Lemon Icebox Pie...watermelon and cantaloupe! Fireworks and sparklers...hula hoops and jump ropes...popcicles and homemade ice cream! Fishing poles and trolling motors...crickets and worms!!!

Sitting outside on the swing or chasing Fireflies (or as we call 'em Lightnin' Bugs!)...listening to the crickets and cicadas...the smell of honeysuckle...the sound of sprinklers watering lawns...did I mention sweet tea? Hammocks and picnic tables...coolers full of ice cold drinks...festivals with funnel cakes and corn dogs...flip flops and tan lines...windows down...music blaring!!! 

Many of us migrate even farther south to the Gulf Coast and hang out on the sandy beaches of Alabama and Florida...Gulf Shores and Orange Beach...Destin and Seaside...As if the heat of our backyard isn't enough...The sound of the waves pounding the shore...I will go in debt to go to the beach...peace and tranquility...laughter and sunshine...family and fun...unrivaled sunsets and sunrises...the Gulf breeze...ahhhh!

It's dusty...rain usually eludes us...by mid July we have abandoned the swimming pools because it feels more like bath water...our yards, despite all the watering, become brown...we run inside for air conditioning (the greatest gift from God for a Southerner!) We start to dread the inevitable start of school...in AUGUST, of all things! We start looking forward to football and cooler temps (which do not come until December!)

But a Southern Summer, can not be replicated...the folks who have migrated to NYC get together in Central Park and have a picnic for all the Mississippians (simply because they miss it, too!) It is the most wonderful feeling on earth...it is a gift...and as much as we complain, we wouldn't have it any other way!

So here's to Summertime, where the livin' is easy...Here's to a slower pace and a thankful heart...here's to memories from the past and new memories to be made! I am really excited about this summer and I can not wait to enjoy all it has in store!

Hope yours is FABULOUS!!!

All my love,

Monica

Has it really been this long?

Funny how life interrupts and you lose all sense of time! I have been a slacker...I have run my household...done both of my jobs...but I have neglected my blog! So very much has been going on and having the luxury of "extra time" has not existed...at all!

I want to say a few things about the graciousness of our Southern Culture. Few from this day and time can wrap their heads around Southern Gentility. It is only found in true Southern Homes. It is often made fun of...mocked. Our accents render joke after joke. Our affinity for "religion" makes most shudder. We tend to be conservative in our beliefs, personal and political. Our older generations are Democrats...not liberals. It is a belief held onto from the days of FDR and Kennedy, when things were so different. Help your fellow man...be a good steward.

Our daughters still wear smocked, linen or ankle length dresses (or all three) and sport the biggest satin bows one can find. Our sons wear "short pants" also smocked or linen (or both). We go to church on Sunday morning. Our babies are dedicated, which gives us the excuse to put them in gorgeous, flowing christening gowns. We still have covered dish luncheons on the church grounds. If you do not know all stanzas of Amazing Grace, something is TERRIBLY wrong with you and if you do not know of God's love and abundant mercies and grace...we pray for you. 

When our daughters become engaged, their registry includes fine china, crystal and flatware. EVERYTHING is monogrammed. Weddings are traditional and meaningful, spending entirely too much on flowers and favors. We might even have a copy of Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post's Etiquette books hidden somewhere! There is a proper order to all events! We still have stationery and calling cards...we still write thank you notes...we still MAIL invitations and expect an R.S.V.P., and are appalled that people don't know what R.S.V.P. means! We still have family portraits made and they are often reproduced in oil. We love the theatre and a good symphony.

We know how to throw a party, from simple to the elaborate. Everything will be coordinated...we have McCarty or Peter's, we shop from catalogue parties and we love antique stores. We are always swapping recipes and we love hand-made kitch. There is never anything like sitting outside in the shade visiting with our older generation, learning about the good ole days...we love our Maws, Grans, Mamaws, Mimis and Amaws...our Papaws, Papas and Pops!

When we cuss, we immediately ask for God's forgiveness...AND when we speak unkindly of others..."Please forgive me Lord!" We are opinionated and expect you to have manners...No elbows on the table, rest your hand in your lap while eating,do not expel gas unless you are in private....We embrace the culture of our past and try to know who Falkner and Welty are and try to read at least one of their books so we aren't too lost. We regret slavery or if you are like me are so glad your family was so poor they WERE the slaves, and had absolutely nothing to do with it!

We care about our appearance...we love sweet tea...a fried piece of meat isn't so bad...vegetables are terribly important (black eyed peas, cabbage, fried okra, tomatoes). You MUST have bread on the table, preferably cornbread, and there must also be a dessert. Becoming "disorderly" after partaking of the spirits is frowned upon and you will be ill-spoken of if you become so! We hunt and fish...we are WELL armed and we might even have a few dead animal heads hanging around!

We revere our universities, always arguing which one is better...Hotty Toddy ;p. Football is definitely a religion and baseball runs a close second. We tailgate... and we Rebels must dress very well to attend a football game. We must also have a well decorated tent which often includes chandeliers and linens with coordinating tableware!

All this to say, we have pride...half of me is Yankee and I suppose if my father had lived I might be less southern...nah...However, he did fall in love with the South and sweet tea and fried chicken and Church. I can not imagine not living in Mississippi...nor do I ever want to live anywhere else...I don't mind going to visit other places, but this has been my home since I was 6...North Mississippi. I love it, I love the "backwardsness" of it...I love that it is slow paced...I love that everyone loves everyone and that folks that aren't from here don't "get it".

So there you have it...you can make fun of my pearls, monograms and antiques. You can mock my southern drawl and the fact I have manners. You can say things about my conservative beliefs...but it won't change who I am and it certainly won't make me dislike you. See I will just go on and pray for you and say "Bless you heart!"

Love to you all!

Monica