Tribulation

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through who, also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

And not only that we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance character and character hope. "

Romans 5:1-4

How many tribulations have you gone through? I would venture to say that we all have had varying degrees of tribulation. Some things that ruin a moment or some that change your life forever. 

How we look at our tribulations is very important. How we deal with them is important as well. From the moment I was told I had cancer all I wanted to do was get rid of it. I made a conscious decision not to let it get me down. 

Easier said than done. As I made it through each milestone something about me changed. 

Chemo, no hair. 

Mastectomy, no breasts. 

Hysterectomy, no hormones. 

Honestly, y'all...,I look like an alien or at least artists renditions of aliens...

Only I am not green. But who knows, radiation might make that happen!! Ha!!

I can't hide what's happening to me. Bald, flat chested woman headed your way!! 

However, according to scripture, these are the things that will build my character and ultimately my hope. I can feel sorry for myself (which on occasion I do). Or I can buck up and move on. Blasting past the emotional and physical trials of this disease 

This applies to ALL of us. We all face trials in this life. We all know things are going to happen. This is where our choices come in. We can either choose to believe our trials are for our demise or for our good. 

I think God allows things to happen sometimes, to see if we will rely on Him and His strength. Every single negative thought you have comes from the enemy. Not God. Every single ounce of despair is fueled by the enemies lies! God has no part of it and wants only to dispel those lies. 

Please don't allow lies to destroy your hope, nor the trials and tribulations of this life. 

Romans 5 continues with verse 5...

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been POURED out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Don't waste the gift of the Holy Spirit, use His navigating, all loving power to move you into great hope!

Monica

Hope

The Hebrew translation of hope is "confident expectation". Oftentimes we use it more like the word wish. Clearly, hope is more than wishing. Hope is so much of what our lives consist of.  

Emily Dickinson penned,

"Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without words 

And never stops-at all."

It never stops at all. If we exercised hope like the definition implies, our expectation of the outcome would be confidence of fulfillment . I am sad to say most of us, including me, don't. 

Confident expectation. BELIEVING in what you have asked for and BELIEVING it will happen.

Matthew 21:22 was given to me this morning.

"And whatever things you ask for in prayer, BELIEVING, you will receive."

Believing is the key word. My belief is central to my hope...

Not gonna lie. The past few days have been very emotional for me. I return Wednesday to my oncologist to find out my fate. As I opened my devotional this morning...BOOM! TWO pages of why we should still believe in miracles and in Christ's power. Ephesians 3:20, "God is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in you."

He is able. And we should have full confidence in His ability. Not that doubts won't arise, but that when we place our trust in Him, He will ease our doubt and give us the strength and confidence we need. 

God doesn't expect us to understand everything. He expects us to trust Him when we don't understand. Whatever you ask, BELIEVING, you will be given. He will grant whatever you need, but there has to be a foundation of belief... True belief that He is who He says He is and He will do what He promises in scripture. 

Oh, and it may not happen right away. That is where hope comes in. Have the confident expectation that He hears you and will answer you... When He is ready. 

Just wait on Him with hope and trust. He knows what He's doing. He has not abandoned us and He never will. 

Monica

Trust

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

When I was diagnosed on May 13, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride. I never once doubted God's love for me. Never once. However... I questioned Him. I asked unrelenting questions. Daily... Hourly. But I never doubted His love and I never stopped trusting Him.

The sequence of events from the first doctor's visit till now were so orchestrated it is mind boggling. Everything pertaining to my care has been so detailed and so smooth I haven't felt uneasy yet. I have been covered in prayer.

But in it all I had to make the first step. I examined myself... Which was not something I did like I should. Obviously!! Because I had a 5.2cm tumor on the top of my breast that was not there 6 months earlier. 

1 in 8 women get breast cancer. Of reported cases, only 8% are caused from the BRCA 1 or BRCA2 gene. The other cases are completely sporadic. I was sporadic, which is comical, because that is also my personality! I was due for a mammogram the latter part of June. I am so thankful my OBGYN told me to just come in. I don't know how 2 more months would have affected my prognosis. 

I say all of this because I care about every single one of you. Please examine yourselves and get mammograms. If you have a good doctor they will listen to your concerns and see you whenever.

 I am thankful for mine, she is the best. 

You only get one chance at life. Your days are numbered and there are no guarantees! I can promise you, as much trust as I have put in God, I still beg him for life. This has been one of the scariest events in my life. 

So tomorrow, I will go through one of three remaining procedures to rid my body of possible disaster. I will lose a part of me that has been a blessing and a curse. Now more of a curse than ever. Hopefully I will have my health back and a long, beautiful life filled with love and grandbabies and happiness and joy. 

What I am experiencing has brought me so much closer to God. I talk to him all the time. He answers me with such sweet reassurances, it's hard to believe He doesn't have a plan for me. I have learned through quiet retribution my inadequacies and have sought forgiveness for them. 

Life is precious and every moment is a gift. I know that now more than ever. Please take care of yourselves. Listen to those small still voices. Know the warning signs and be vigilant. You are so much to so many! I have seen too many people I loved affected by cancer. I have also lost many. Don't ignore the signs or your health!

Your PSA for the day!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Monica

Next

Yesterday was my last treatment. The last 16 weeks have flown and crept, all at the same time. It has been easy and it has been difficult. However, the good days have far outweighed the bad!

Chemotherapy made me hate sweet tea and love orange Koolaid. I can not eat a hamburger but I love Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and meatballs! 

It is over-but it is not- depending on the pathology after my mastectomy. There is a very strong possibility I will also have to receive 4-6 weeks of daily radiation. It is just one more precautionary step. Dr. Vidal insists he has my best interest at heart. 

As I waited for my treatment, his news rocked me. I asked God what I had done to deserve all of this. I am sure there are some valid reasons for this season. They haven't all been revealed to me yet, though. Why can't it just be over?!? 

Then I walked into the treatment room and saw all of the precious people who are so much worse than I am. I know they ask God the same thing, I know they are experiencing the same doubts and fears I am. The same hope. 

My chemotherapy and possible radiation, I have been told over and over, are for my benefit. The radiation is "a precautionary measure, just to make sure any rogue cells are killed." I was blessed mine was found contained and did not originate from another source. Many people around me have been ravaged. 

I have watched a man every time I have been here. He looks worse and worse each time. He could not receive his treatment because his hemoglobin was low. I have seen people week after week then miss them only to find out they have passed. 

What have I done, Lord? I have done nothing but have a pity party! What am I so upset about? I have been covered in prayer. I have been showered with love. None of which I deserve!

I have a support group like no other! So, instead of asking what I have done, I will be thankful for what I have. I will continue to trust my Father, He is a good, good Father and I am loved by him! (Thank you, Chris Tomlin)

Everything I am experiencing is for my benefit. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I don't understand why. That has not been revealed fully... Yet!

But I can tell you this.... It has made me more aware, more thoughtful and much more thankful! It has brought me to my knees in fervent prayer. It has made me appreciate life more. It has put things into perspective. It has ripped me in two and then put me back together. 

All of my relationships are stronger and my faith is bigger. Strangers have become friends. 

Life hurls stuff at you... Sometimes it hurls pebbles and other times in launches boulders. How we react to those attacks is the ultimate test. How much faith you exercise over despair is the biggest indicator of how you will come out on the other side. 

I have no doubt of God's love. I have no doubt that prayers work. And I have no doubt He has both you and me in His grasp. 

Deut. 31:8

"The Lord himself will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will never leave you. He will never desert you, so do not be afraid, do not lose hope."

He is in control. He is good. He is love. 

John 1:16 AMP

"For out of His fullness we have received, grace upon grace."

Monica

Linda

On Friday morning, August 26, our lives were forever changed. We lost my mother-in-law suddenly and unexpectedly. She was the matriarch of our little clan and our hearts shattered into millions of pieces.

This was my ulegy. 

"I met Linda in April of 1990. I learned two things very quickly about her. She loved her two boys immensely and was a fantastic cook. There are probably very few people in this room who have not had a taste of her cooking. I married Brent for her cooking. Phatema and I are terrified of the holidays without her, because of her cooking!

As I met her many friends yesterday, the common denominator was the caliber of person Linda was. She was a friend to all. If she didn't like you, there was a very big reason for it! She was kind and loving and generous. She always tried to meet the needs of others through her volunteer work and by simply giving. She would give her clothes away, she would give her food away and her greatest gift to give was her love. So many people have been touched by her simple generosity. 

I marveled at how much she did. I think she did more in retirement than she ever did working a full time job. She helped with voting, was a Civitan, volunteered with the Red Cross. She loved her Bible studies and her two churches, Okolona Methodist and Brewer Baptist... This making her a Metho-Baptist. Her most recent love was helping out with the Saltillo Historical Society. If anyone knew about Saltillo, it was Linda. She was a wealth of knowledge and a little bit of gossip!!

But of all the wonderful things she was, her greatest achievement was mother. Kevin and Brent were her center. She was an excellent Momma. Never judgemental. She was always loving and full of wise correction. Thank God for her!! Kevin and Brent turned out to be loving and kind husbands and fathers! She was a mother to their friends as well. She never turned any of them away and I have always said I would have hated to see her grocery bill each week! 

Phatema and I were blessed to have her as well. She loved us like we were her own. She always gave the best advice and we never felt unwelcome or unloved. We are now the matriarchs of our little circle and put together, our feet can't fill her shoes. But she left us so much we will try our best to keep her memory alive. 

Cole, Anna Lauren and Matthew were her greatest treasures. She was a doting grandmother and not one person she encountered didn't hear about them  She was so proud of all three of them and spoiled them and loved them unconditionally. She was a wonderful Gran. When Cole found Rachel she was over the moon. She loved her like one of her own. 

She also loved her sister, Ann and her brother-in-law Carl. She was so happy when they moved to Shannon so she could see them more. She loved to cook for them and I think Carl loved that part too!

Our lives are forever changed and we don't know how we are going to do life without her. The hole she has left is unfillable. We will miss everything about her, especially her wit. She was so funny and a straight shooter and made life hilarious at times. No more picking on her about her food preferences or people observations. Eating out won't be near as fun or embarrassing. We will miss her chicken dressing, pecan pie and fried okra. Those are such trivial thoughts knowing where she is right now. Skipping and running and maybe even cartwheeling down the streets of gold. Telling Jesus what He needs to do for her family and friends here on earth. His response is most likely, "Yes, Ms. Linda. " Finally free of pain and happier than she ever could have imagined.

We can't adequately express what she meant to us. But we are thankful for everything she was to us. Only by the grace of God will we make it through without her. 

Love on your mothers. They are treasures and she was one of our greatest. 

Proverbs 31: 28-31

"Many daughters have done well,

But you exceed them all. 

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing

But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised 

Give her the fruits of her hands

And let her own works praise her in the gates."

We praise you in the gates, Linda, and rejoice you are with your Savior. 

There is no greater gift to leave us. 

Monica 

Benefits

Everything good that has happened in my life has been a reward. Everything bad in my life has been a reward as well. I would not be where I am today if I hadn't had some hard knocks. Most of the time they were self imposed, I own that. But sometimes they were just things that happened that I had no control over. 

In every instance I can see the Hand of God. Not that He made the bad things happen, but that He was there the whole time. I am certain I have been given the bad times so that I can see more of God. I become raw and vulnerable. In those instances He shows us our dependence on Him and how He is in charge. We may not get what we want, but we get what we need. 

I don't always get what I want. I have had one particular prayer going for three years now.

 Three, y'all! 

At every turn, when I think it will come to fruition, it is not answered like I want. It wears on me... Causes me much distress... Makes me a little cranky... Just this morning, I realized...

It is for my good, and I am being protected from something I don't need in my life. 

It is for my benefit. 

So, in true "God fashion" I open my Bible and it fell open to Psalm 103.

Oh how I can relate to David. I mean, I am not a king nor was I ever a shepherd... I am not a guy. But I am so much like him! I teeter between sinful and righteous. I am also very aware of my sin, immediately. David was, too. 

As I have matured my sin sensitivity has too. My two biggest problems are gossip and jealousy. I can honestly say, sitting in an empty house...alone with two dogs... Has really helped in the gossip department. But then I have free reign to see what's "missing" in my life, compared to others and then jealousy creeps in. 

When I am truly repentant and listen, I learn. That's what Psalm 103 did for me this morning. I am going to paraphrase and hit the parts that spoke to me and I hope, will speak to you. 

"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. 

And all that is within me, bless His Holy Name. 

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul

And forget not His benefits. 

Who forgives...

Who heals...

Who redeems...

Who crowns...

Who satisfies..."

Our souls are so precious to Him. How blessed we are by a God who benefits us. Who forgives and heals us, physically and emotionally. He redeems us, y'all!! Paid in full! He crowns us! Oh the day we receive that crown! And... He satisfies us. 

Maybe not how we would like, but how He wants and knows is best for us. 

For our benefit. 

Don't miss the opportunity to watch God work in your life. He is here! Working in our lives for our good! He can take a way every selfish desire and replace it with His desires. 

For our benefit. 

He will redeem us and crown us and that is our HOPE! Let Him satisfy your soul and bless it. He will make all things new and fill us with more hope and peace than we could ever imagine!

Daniel 6:16

"Your God, whom you serve continually. He will deliver you!"

Monica

Battles

We all are not given any guarantees in life. Trials and battles have been an ever present part of my life. Battling with my mother over English peas, was one. If you put a pile of those things on my plate.... You can bet your sweet bippy the only way they will come off of that plate is by scraping them in the garbage can untouched. I don't mind them in a soup or casserole, but alone... Just sitting there... round and green... staring at me like a bunch of beady eyes... yuck!

Some of my most prolific battles were with my two beautiful, intelligent and stubborn offspring.
My son...
He has tested me from day one. He is reactionary, so if I reacted, he reacted.

 With. Every. Thing. He. Could. Muster. 

In order to get it done, just get it over with, I learned that grocery shopping with the Red Power Ranger in cowboy boots, ain't so bad! I chose my battles with him and learned to let go of a lot. 

Or when my beautiful daughter needed a Barbie on almost every trip to Walmart. She wasn't a fit pitcher like her brother, but she was really good at making me pay for my transgression. Until I met her, I wasn't aware a four year old could give the silent treatment for literally days!!

These were battles of will. We all experience them. I look back on the turmoil of raising my babies and just laugh. I love to tell new moms not to sweat the small stuff! Eventually, it passes. We battle other things like depression, stress, unhappiness, fear, insecurity and anger. I believe that our biggest battles are with ourselves, which usually manifest themselves into battles with others. 

These days I would gladly trade those earlier battles for the ones I have today. I feel like a tennis ball at Wimbledon. Federer and Nadal are smacking me back and forth at 100mph! 

Back and forth...hope and fear.

Back and forth...peace and turmoil. 

What's going to happen? Will all the prayers work? Is the faith of my friends enough? Is my faith enough? What are His plans? How do I know for sure?

Back and forth. 

This morning I was reading Acts 14. Paul had healed a crippled man. The Jews of Antioch and Iconium had stoned him and thought he was dead. But the Disciples gathered around him and he arose and left the city. Later on he said in verse 22, "We must go through many tribulations to enter the Kingdom of God."

That struck a chord with me. I, in no way, compare myself to Paul and the disciples and all they went through. But I think this verse is applicable to us all. We aren't guaranteed a battle-free or tribulation-free life. We have never been told there won't be hard times, scary times or times that bring us to our wit's end.

The wonderful news is, we are promised we won't go it alone. We are precious and we are valued and even in the darkest and craziest of times... He is ever present and we are incredibly important to Him. Stuff happens, no doubt. But I honestly think the ultimate goal for God is to see how we react to it. 

I can be really mad... In fact I have had some anger issues over stuff lately... But if we call on Jesus and give him our anger and doubt and fear... He will reassure us through peace that transcends all understanding. 

So who will you take into battle with you? Satan? With all of his lies, malice and fear mongering? Or Jesus? With all of his truth, and peace and joy? I choose Jesus. 

Exodus 14:14

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."

Monica