Trust

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

When I was diagnosed on May 13, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride. I never once doubted God's love for me. Never once. However... I questioned Him. I asked unrelenting questions. Daily... Hourly. But I never doubted His love and I never stopped trusting Him.

The sequence of events from the first doctor's visit till now were so orchestrated it is mind boggling. Everything pertaining to my care has been so detailed and so smooth I haven't felt uneasy yet. I have been covered in prayer.

But in it all I had to make the first step. I examined myself... Which was not something I did like I should. Obviously!! Because I had a 5.2cm tumor on the top of my breast that was not there 6 months earlier. 

1 in 8 women get breast cancer. Of reported cases, only 8% are caused from the BRCA 1 or BRCA2 gene. The other cases are completely sporadic. I was sporadic, which is comical, because that is also my personality! I was due for a mammogram the latter part of June. I am so thankful my OBGYN told me to just come in. I don't know how 2 more months would have affected my prognosis. 

I say all of this because I care about every single one of you. Please examine yourselves and get mammograms. If you have a good doctor they will listen to your concerns and see you whenever.

 I am thankful for mine, she is the best. 

You only get one chance at life. Your days are numbered and there are no guarantees! I can promise you, as much trust as I have put in God, I still beg him for life. This has been one of the scariest events in my life. 

So tomorrow, I will go through one of three remaining procedures to rid my body of possible disaster. I will lose a part of me that has been a blessing and a curse. Now more of a curse than ever. Hopefully I will have my health back and a long, beautiful life filled with love and grandbabies and happiness and joy. 

What I am experiencing has brought me so much closer to God. I talk to him all the time. He answers me with such sweet reassurances, it's hard to believe He doesn't have a plan for me. I have learned through quiet retribution my inadequacies and have sought forgiveness for them. 

Life is precious and every moment is a gift. I know that now more than ever. Please take care of yourselves. Listen to those small still voices. Know the warning signs and be vigilant. You are so much to so many! I have seen too many people I loved affected by cancer. I have also lost many. Don't ignore the signs or your health!

Your PSA for the day!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Monica