Footprints

It's funny how things occur to me during the course of a day! As I was returning the milk to the fridge this morning, I realized something....that must be the millionth time I have made that trek across my kitchen floor...literally! We have lived in this house since 1993....my kitchen has never been remodeled and the refrigerator has not moved from that spot. How many morning have I crossed the floor to retrieve an item to feed breakfasts, lunches and dinners?

How many people can say they have done the same? I can honestly say, this is the longest I have lived in one place in my entire life! We moved a lot when I was growing up...I have memories form each and every home, but none of those places were very permanent. I lived in the house on Elvis Presley for 6 or 7 years! That was a milestone in my life that I consider the house I grew up in!

Cole was a little over a year old when we bought this house....this is the house Brent came home from the hospital to...he lived away from this place for about 2 years total, then the opportunity to purchase it was given to us...Anna Lauren came home from the hospital to this home.

All of Brent's milestones happened on this little hill as did most of Cole's and Anna Lauren's...What a legacy! It was built by my In-Laws, in a better time for them...with love for their family. Brent and I have lovingly fixed it up over the years, replacing the broken things and updating, but the footprint of the house is the same.

We have new windows...if you didn't already know ;)...we have replaced appliances, except the wall oven, which with a little work still works like a charm! Light fixtures and interior doors have been updated. So has the Heating/Air unit. We have completely gutted a bathroom and made it brand new. But the footprint of the home has not change.

The same journeys my mother-in-law made up and down the halls, yelling for the kids to get up, the same journeys from the laundry room to the bedrooms...are the same for me. The atmosphere, though, is much different. While my In-Laws had a marriage that just didn't work...Brent and I have managed to keep our marriage going!

I will find myself making our bed and thinking how we have taken a place that oftentimes caused pain for Brent and have turned into a place of refuge and calm. Now, don't get me wrong, we argue and sometimes raise our voices a little louder than we should, but it's usually because we are stupid and hard headed...

FOR BETTER OR WORSE, PEOPLE!

The same trees Brent climbed...Cole and Anna Lauren have climbed...The same yard Brent learned to play baseball in...Cole learned to play baseball in...The same room Brent grew up in....both of my children have had...the same living room Brent watched TV in, my children watched TV in...Brent and our children have celebrated EVERY Christmas they have EVER had in the same house!

I was given a "gift" several years back from a TV show of all places! A woman said she used to hate laundry, until she started looking at the laundry, not as a chore, but as a gift. The people that wore those clothes were still able to wear those clothes...the clothes represented their lives, the fact that they could play and get them dirty! The fact that they had food on the table and it could get on their clothes. The fact that the blood stains on the knees or the front of the shirt from a bloody nose, means your child is a living creature.

All this to say...sometimes I am so overwhelmed by God's grace...His plans for us were laid out longer than we could ever remember! I may sit around and dream of a new, bigger house with all the bells and whistles (I actually have a lay-out in my mind ;), but it would not hold the unbelievably, almost unmatchable gift that this little house on the hill....not in the best location in the world...holds for me. It aggravates Brent to have to do so much fixing up, but I think, even though he's not as sentimental about "things" as he is people, he still loves this house...and our babies love this house, even though it has had a hard time holding all of their get-togethers at times!

So, thank you little 1969 Ranch with the awkward layout and the blond brick. Thank you for the 2 acres our children have learned so many life's lessons on. Thank you for your warmth and your protection, your funny noises at night, your smallness, which forces us all to be close even when we don't want to be sometimes. I hope the memories made in the years to come will hold even sweeter things...like grandchildren, birthday celebrations, more Christmas Breakfasts and Easter Dinners...graduation celebrations and baptisms...the occasional throw-down that always ends up in tears and forgiveness...life, love and happiness! You may not be the most beautiful house ever built, but you are the most beautiful cocoon that this simple family could ever have asked for!

Love to all,

Monica

2011

What will the New Year bring? Every year I have hopes...hopes of fitting into that skirt I refuse to get rid of from Harold's...the one I bought before I got pregnant with Anna Lauren...Hope of actually feeling like being active...I am sooooo hyper, that when I think of excercise I can't wrap my brain around it! I hardly ever sit...I am most times doing something...why can't all that activity count as excercise? UUGGHH!

I have found , though, that this life I have been slammed right in the middle of is very busy...and that is how I thrive. I have ADD, no doubt, and I get distracted...ooo something shiny...then I forget what it was I was doing before the distraction happened....then I start something else and while in the middle of that, I remember what it was I was doing before-hand...then I go back to that and leave what it was I was just doing...undone.

Undone...how I feel most of the time...I am most certain that if someone did a brain wave study on me, it would be off the chain...I am a fairly intelligent human being, however, my scatteredness make me seem like an idiot at times! Honestly, it makes me FEEL like an idiot at times...but, that is what makes me...me.

I find myself in a conversation with someone, then they say something and that triggers me to say something TOTALLY unrelated to what it is THEY were talking about! Put me with someone like me and you have complete confusion and chaos!

 

All of this to say, do you feel scattered...out of control...weary? Do you gravitate toward self-deprication? After all if you admit to your faults, doesn't that make you more human...more likeable? God's Word tells us we are "fearfully and wonderfully made"...we are MADE the way we are...sure, outside influences mold our behaviors, change our opinions and totally mess up our self-esteem...But, we are made, (wonderfully, I might add) we have a purpose, just like everything else that is "made".

What we do with the "outside influences"... what we do with the trials and bad times is what shows others where our hope lies. My scattered ways are probably how I am able to cope with the things that happen to me that aren't so great...changing my focus on something else!

 Hope...

Brent is a wonderful person...he is one of the best friends a person could have...he is a helpful mate...he is a loving husband and father, and my children and I do not doubt how he feels about us. However, my hope does not lie in Brent. If it did, I would be greatly disappointed because he is man. I pray no one puts their hope in me, because I will disappoint.

I put my hope in Christ...will I always get what I hope for? Nope! But regardless of what the outcome is for me, it is the best for me. Will it always feel good? Nope! Will it always make me happy? Nope... and I am ok with that, because I am not immune to failure, disappointment, pain, grief or sorrow. I was never, ever promised an easy trip or any of the blessings I have been showered with in my life. I just put my trust and hope in Christ and leave the rest to Him.

I have a laundry list of disappointment and even a little tragedy...I could live my life mired in all the bad stuff and carry it around like an ugly old purse. Curse all the bad, have a little hatred in my heart, be all grumpy and tired. But, that is not how I want to live my life and I am certain it is not how God wants me to live my life.

So pick yourself up, dust off the dirt from 2010...IT IS IN THE PAST PEOPLE....and ask Him to show you the way to forgiveness and even forgetfulness, so that 2011 will not be burdened with trash, but will be shiny and new and you can be a testimony of hope!

I hope you have enjoyed the scattered, hopeful message...really I do!

All my love!
Monica