Sooo...How's your momma and them? Lawd, I have not written since Christmas!
Many years ago I purchased a copy of Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette, copyright 1952. As a young girl I was intrigued with all that was proper. Mark Kennedy and I would go to the Lee County Library and while he read copies of Rolling Stone, Billboard and People...I was reading copies of Town and Country, Architectural Digest or in the reference section pouring over books on etiquette. Yep, I am weird. I have absolutely NO idea where it came from. I sometimes lament I was born too poor and two decades too late...sigh...
When I open the book, the pages smell old, but the pages are pristine. Probably because no one around these parts even care about etiquette. Well, I do! There is something about knowing where your fork and knife should be placed in a setting. Where your glasses should be placed. How you should sit at the table, or rather, NOT sit at the table.
I often think about the scene from "Pretty Woman", where Julia Robert's character is tutored on table settings. I do not know how it all works...We very seldom "set the table"...it is a buffet around here, grab a plate and a utensil and have at it. I actually miss setting the table. That was my job as a young girl. My mother was a stickler for that kind of thing.
As I paroozed the pages I noticed there are really a lot of do's and don't when it comes to doing things properly. Probably more don'ts than do's! She writes, ad nauseum, about stationery, clothing, china, public service and weddings. Every time I thumb through it I wonder, how in the world could someone have so much etiquette knowledge...and why was it so important it had to be written down?
Then in the middle of it all I read something so profound, I am thankful I am seated...
The Introduction on the Chapter On Dress and Manners says;
"The finest rules for behavior are to be found in Chapter 13 of First Corinthians, the dissertation on charity by St. Paul. These rules have nothing to do with the fine points of dress nor with those of superficial manners. They have to do with feelings and attitudes, kindness and consideration of others. Good manners have much to do with the emotions. To make them true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them."
Well, well, well...Miss Amy blew me away. Our manners involve our feelings! How we feel about ourselves and others dictates how we are on the outside. When someone is ugly to me I figure it is their problem. Years ago, took it personally. My job is to be nice...my job is to smile...my job is to be as mannerly as possible. I must concern myself with me, not you. You have the option to follow suit or be the opposite. I am responsible for my actions, not yours.
As a Christian...shoot as a person...I am called to love. Like I say to the kids at Church...not the mushy, gushy, romantic love...the love that transcends. The love that Christ had for us all, despite the color of our skin, our belief system our ethnicity. The love that cares and heals. The love that gives me the power to smile, when I just don't really feel like it. The love that gives me pause and keeps me from being ugly to someone.
That kind of love...we are born with. But it has to be nurtured and it has to be shown to us. I know we all have hurts, some greater than others. I have in my life not been shown that love by others. Hurtful boyfriends, hurtful friends, hurtful teachers, hurtful family members...tragedies changed my landscape, reshaped my world and filled me with unimaginable pain. I carried that pain for a long, long time! I made unimaginably bad decisions! But when I finally allowed God to heal me and let it all go I was able to exhibit more Christ like qualities and genuinely show love.
So manners and dress come from the inside? Whoda thunk? Just remember when you see someone who is not very kind to others or someone slovenly dressed...It has to do with love...how they love themselves and how they have been or are loved...As I like to call it "Self-esteem Issues"...Makes perfect sense to me!
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Love to All!
Monica
When I open the book, the pages smell old, but the pages are pristine. Probably because no one around these parts even care about etiquette. Well, I do! There is something about knowing where your fork and knife should be placed in a setting. Where your glasses should be placed. How you should sit at the table, or rather, NOT sit at the table.
I often think about the scene from "Pretty Woman", where Julia Robert's character is tutored on table settings. I do not know how it all works...We very seldom "set the table"...it is a buffet around here, grab a plate and a utensil and have at it. I actually miss setting the table. That was my job as a young girl. My mother was a stickler for that kind of thing.
As I paroozed the pages I noticed there are really a lot of do's and don't when it comes to doing things properly. Probably more don'ts than do's! She writes, ad nauseum, about stationery, clothing, china, public service and weddings. Every time I thumb through it I wonder, how in the world could someone have so much etiquette knowledge...and why was it so important it had to be written down?
Then in the middle of it all I read something so profound, I am thankful I am seated...
The Introduction on the Chapter On Dress and Manners says;
"The finest rules for behavior are to be found in Chapter 13 of First Corinthians, the dissertation on charity by St. Paul. These rules have nothing to do with the fine points of dress nor with those of superficial manners. They have to do with feelings and attitudes, kindness and consideration of others. Good manners have much to do with the emotions. To make them true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them."
Well, well, well...Miss Amy blew me away. Our manners involve our feelings! How we feel about ourselves and others dictates how we are on the outside. When someone is ugly to me I figure it is their problem. Years ago, took it personally. My job is to be nice...my job is to smile...my job is to be as mannerly as possible. I must concern myself with me, not you. You have the option to follow suit or be the opposite. I am responsible for my actions, not yours.
As a Christian...shoot as a person...I am called to love. Like I say to the kids at Church...not the mushy, gushy, romantic love...the love that transcends. The love that Christ had for us all, despite the color of our skin, our belief system our ethnicity. The love that cares and heals. The love that gives me the power to smile, when I just don't really feel like it. The love that gives me pause and keeps me from being ugly to someone.
That kind of love...we are born with. But it has to be nurtured and it has to be shown to us. I know we all have hurts, some greater than others. I have in my life not been shown that love by others. Hurtful boyfriends, hurtful friends, hurtful teachers, hurtful family members...tragedies changed my landscape, reshaped my world and filled me with unimaginable pain. I carried that pain for a long, long time! I made unimaginably bad decisions! But when I finally allowed God to heal me and let it all go I was able to exhibit more Christ like qualities and genuinely show love.
So manners and dress come from the inside? Whoda thunk? Just remember when you see someone who is not very kind to others or someone slovenly dressed...It has to do with love...how they love themselves and how they have been or are loved...As I like to call it "Self-esteem Issues"...Makes perfect sense to me!
1 Corinthians 13
New International Version (NIV)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Love to All!
Monica
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