Trust

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

When I was diagnosed on May 13, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride. I never once doubted God's love for me. Never once. However... I questioned Him. I asked unrelenting questions. Daily... Hourly. But I never doubted His love and I never stopped trusting Him.

The sequence of events from the first doctor's visit till now were so orchestrated it is mind boggling. Everything pertaining to my care has been so detailed and so smooth I haven't felt uneasy yet. I have been covered in prayer.

But in it all I had to make the first step. I examined myself... Which was not something I did like I should. Obviously!! Because I had a 5.2cm tumor on the top of my breast that was not there 6 months earlier. 

1 in 8 women get breast cancer. Of reported cases, only 8% are caused from the BRCA 1 or BRCA2 gene. The other cases are completely sporadic. I was sporadic, which is comical, because that is also my personality! I was due for a mammogram the latter part of June. I am so thankful my OBGYN told me to just come in. I don't know how 2 more months would have affected my prognosis. 

I say all of this because I care about every single one of you. Please examine yourselves and get mammograms. If you have a good doctor they will listen to your concerns and see you whenever.

 I am thankful for mine, she is the best. 

You only get one chance at life. Your days are numbered and there are no guarantees! I can promise you, as much trust as I have put in God, I still beg him for life. This has been one of the scariest events in my life. 

So tomorrow, I will go through one of three remaining procedures to rid my body of possible disaster. I will lose a part of me that has been a blessing and a curse. Now more of a curse than ever. Hopefully I will have my health back and a long, beautiful life filled with love and grandbabies and happiness and joy. 

What I am experiencing has brought me so much closer to God. I talk to him all the time. He answers me with such sweet reassurances, it's hard to believe He doesn't have a plan for me. I have learned through quiet retribution my inadequacies and have sought forgiveness for them. 

Life is precious and every moment is a gift. I know that now more than ever. Please take care of yourselves. Listen to those small still voices. Know the warning signs and be vigilant. You are so much to so many! I have seen too many people I loved affected by cancer. I have also lost many. Don't ignore the signs or your health!

Your PSA for the day!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Monica

Next

Yesterday was my last treatment. The last 16 weeks have flown and crept, all at the same time. It has been easy and it has been difficult. However, the good days have far outweighed the bad!

Chemotherapy made me hate sweet tea and love orange Koolaid. I can not eat a hamburger but I love Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and meatballs! 

It is over-but it is not- depending on the pathology after my mastectomy. There is a very strong possibility I will also have to receive 4-6 weeks of daily radiation. It is just one more precautionary step. Dr. Vidal insists he has my best interest at heart. 

As I waited for my treatment, his news rocked me. I asked God what I had done to deserve all of this. I am sure there are some valid reasons for this season. They haven't all been revealed to me yet, though. Why can't it just be over?!? 

Then I walked into the treatment room and saw all of the precious people who are so much worse than I am. I know they ask God the same thing, I know they are experiencing the same doubts and fears I am. The same hope. 

My chemotherapy and possible radiation, I have been told over and over, are for my benefit. The radiation is "a precautionary measure, just to make sure any rogue cells are killed." I was blessed mine was found contained and did not originate from another source. Many people around me have been ravaged. 

I have watched a man every time I have been here. He looks worse and worse each time. He could not receive his treatment because his hemoglobin was low. I have seen people week after week then miss them only to find out they have passed. 

What have I done, Lord? I have done nothing but have a pity party! What am I so upset about? I have been covered in prayer. I have been showered with love. None of which I deserve!

I have a support group like no other! So, instead of asking what I have done, I will be thankful for what I have. I will continue to trust my Father, He is a good, good Father and I am loved by him! (Thank you, Chris Tomlin)

Everything I am experiencing is for my benefit. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I don't understand why. That has not been revealed fully... Yet!

But I can tell you this.... It has made me more aware, more thoughtful and much more thankful! It has brought me to my knees in fervent prayer. It has made me appreciate life more. It has put things into perspective. It has ripped me in two and then put me back together. 

All of my relationships are stronger and my faith is bigger. Strangers have become friends. 

Life hurls stuff at you... Sometimes it hurls pebbles and other times in launches boulders. How we react to those attacks is the ultimate test. How much faith you exercise over despair is the biggest indicator of how you will come out on the other side. 

I have no doubt of God's love. I have no doubt that prayers work. And I have no doubt He has both you and me in His grasp. 

Deut. 31:8

"The Lord himself will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will never leave you. He will never desert you, so do not be afraid, do not lose hope."

He is in control. He is good. He is love. 

John 1:16 AMP

"For out of His fullness we have received, grace upon grace."

Monica

Linda

On Friday morning, August 26, our lives were forever changed. We lost my mother-in-law suddenly and unexpectedly. She was the matriarch of our little clan and our hearts shattered into millions of pieces.

This was my ulegy. 

"I met Linda in April of 1990. I learned two things very quickly about her. She loved her two boys immensely and was a fantastic cook. There are probably very few people in this room who have not had a taste of her cooking. I married Brent for her cooking. Phatema and I are terrified of the holidays without her, because of her cooking!

As I met her many friends yesterday, the common denominator was the caliber of person Linda was. She was a friend to all. If she didn't like you, there was a very big reason for it! She was kind and loving and generous. She always tried to meet the needs of others through her volunteer work and by simply giving. She would give her clothes away, she would give her food away and her greatest gift to give was her love. So many people have been touched by her simple generosity. 

I marveled at how much she did. I think she did more in retirement than she ever did working a full time job. She helped with voting, was a Civitan, volunteered with the Red Cross. She loved her Bible studies and her two churches, Okolona Methodist and Brewer Baptist... This making her a Metho-Baptist. Her most recent love was helping out with the Saltillo Historical Society. If anyone knew about Saltillo, it was Linda. She was a wealth of knowledge and a little bit of gossip!!

But of all the wonderful things she was, her greatest achievement was mother. Kevin and Brent were her center. She was an excellent Momma. Never judgemental. She was always loving and full of wise correction. Thank God for her!! Kevin and Brent turned out to be loving and kind husbands and fathers! She was a mother to their friends as well. She never turned any of them away and I have always said I would have hated to see her grocery bill each week! 

Phatema and I were blessed to have her as well. She loved us like we were her own. She always gave the best advice and we never felt unwelcome or unloved. We are now the matriarchs of our little circle and put together, our feet can't fill her shoes. But she left us so much we will try our best to keep her memory alive. 

Cole, Anna Lauren and Matthew were her greatest treasures. She was a doting grandmother and not one person she encountered didn't hear about them  She was so proud of all three of them and spoiled them and loved them unconditionally. She was a wonderful Gran. When Cole found Rachel she was over the moon. She loved her like one of her own. 

She also loved her sister, Ann and her brother-in-law Carl. She was so happy when they moved to Shannon so she could see them more. She loved to cook for them and I think Carl loved that part too!

Our lives are forever changed and we don't know how we are going to do life without her. The hole she has left is unfillable. We will miss everything about her, especially her wit. She was so funny and a straight shooter and made life hilarious at times. No more picking on her about her food preferences or people observations. Eating out won't be near as fun or embarrassing. We will miss her chicken dressing, pecan pie and fried okra. Those are such trivial thoughts knowing where she is right now. Skipping and running and maybe even cartwheeling down the streets of gold. Telling Jesus what He needs to do for her family and friends here on earth. His response is most likely, "Yes, Ms. Linda. " Finally free of pain and happier than she ever could have imagined.

We can't adequately express what she meant to us. But we are thankful for everything she was to us. Only by the grace of God will we make it through without her. 

Love on your mothers. They are treasures and she was one of our greatest. 

Proverbs 31: 28-31

"Many daughters have done well,

But you exceed them all. 

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing

But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised 

Give her the fruits of her hands

And let her own works praise her in the gates."

We praise you in the gates, Linda, and rejoice you are with your Savior. 

There is no greater gift to leave us. 

Monica