Next

Yesterday was my last treatment. The last 16 weeks have flown and crept, all at the same time. It has been easy and it has been difficult. However, the good days have far outweighed the bad!

Chemotherapy made me hate sweet tea and love orange Koolaid. I can not eat a hamburger but I love Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and meatballs! 

It is over-but it is not- depending on the pathology after my mastectomy. There is a very strong possibility I will also have to receive 4-6 weeks of daily radiation. It is just one more precautionary step. Dr. Vidal insists he has my best interest at heart. 

As I waited for my treatment, his news rocked me. I asked God what I had done to deserve all of this. I am sure there are some valid reasons for this season. They haven't all been revealed to me yet, though. Why can't it just be over?!? 

Then I walked into the treatment room and saw all of the precious people who are so much worse than I am. I know they ask God the same thing, I know they are experiencing the same doubts and fears I am. The same hope. 

My chemotherapy and possible radiation, I have been told over and over, are for my benefit. The radiation is "a precautionary measure, just to make sure any rogue cells are killed." I was blessed mine was found contained and did not originate from another source. Many people around me have been ravaged. 

I have watched a man every time I have been here. He looks worse and worse each time. He could not receive his treatment because his hemoglobin was low. I have seen people week after week then miss them only to find out they have passed. 

What have I done, Lord? I have done nothing but have a pity party! What am I so upset about? I have been covered in prayer. I have been showered with love. None of which I deserve!

I have a support group like no other! So, instead of asking what I have done, I will be thankful for what I have. I will continue to trust my Father, He is a good, good Father and I am loved by him! (Thank you, Chris Tomlin)

Everything I am experiencing is for my benefit. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I don't understand why. That has not been revealed fully... Yet!

But I can tell you this.... It has made me more aware, more thoughtful and much more thankful! It has brought me to my knees in fervent prayer. It has made me appreciate life more. It has put things into perspective. It has ripped me in two and then put me back together. 

All of my relationships are stronger and my faith is bigger. Strangers have become friends. 

Life hurls stuff at you... Sometimes it hurls pebbles and other times in launches boulders. How we react to those attacks is the ultimate test. How much faith you exercise over despair is the biggest indicator of how you will come out on the other side. 

I have no doubt of God's love. I have no doubt that prayers work. And I have no doubt He has both you and me in His grasp. 

Deut. 31:8

"The Lord himself will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will never leave you. He will never desert you, so do not be afraid, do not lose hope."

He is in control. He is good. He is love. 

John 1:16 AMP

"For out of His fullness we have received, grace upon grace."

Monica